DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SCREEN......you have just entered.............THE TWILIGHT ZONE!! hello this is soo freaking weard, i'm in b-more and chanie is in cali.....ahhhhhhhh (sorry) . ok so my shabbat was in owings mills, had a short farby for my b-day. turns out there's a big dif btw 20 and 21. even the not-yet-religous people were asking when i was getting married, while my cousin lee was trying to set me up w/ some dude(he means well) anyways 2 things i was told abt shidduch
1. some girls' mother-in-laws, do not have boys(they don't get married)
2. "i was going to set u up w/ _____ but since u're acting like that, i don't think so"(what is a shidduch date like going to the toy store or s/t; try telling the insurance co "i was going to pay my premium,but since ur acting like that well now i'm not")
i have a few corny jokes abt shidduch dating but nothing i found amazingly funy, unless i can find that e-mail from 10th grade.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Thursday, May 31, 2007
very very funny....
a couple days ago i was on the phone with a friend - as we spoke she checked her email. one particular email caught her attention, its subject line read: very very funny...please read..
apparently however, much to my friend's dismay, the email did not contain anything even mildly amusing - it was actually a tehillim request with a creative subject line to encourage people to read it. my friend shared her disappreciation of such humor with me - i told her i thought it was clever because unfortunately many tehillim letters come each day, some repeats, some new - so why not get people's attention. we finished the conversation and i proceeded to go on with my day. later than evening i checked my own inbox and there sat that letter. i opened it and proceeded to read what was a very sad and touching request of a 16 year old girl to please recite tehillim for her mother. in such pure and simple words she explained the what her mother's illness was and what the doctors had said, that she didnt know if her mother would see her 17th birthday, how her brothers and sisters needed their mother. i scrolled down to see the name and recited kapital chof by rote. there was more writing at the bottom so i scrolled further - the letter was signed....by a girl i knew! i couldnt believe it ...the smilely, always happy, always thoughtful girl who was close with all my bnos chabad girls - was hurting every day and she hadnt told anyone. the letter took on whole meaning for me (i know all tehillim requests should really be just as painful but somehow knowing the person makes it so much more real and scary) i called my friend who had gotten the email first - i didnt even know what to tell her but i wanted to make sure she took the "funny letter" seriously. the past few days, each time i open my inbox i see i've re-received the letter - each time from someone new, from a different part of the world, from a different community and i find comfort knowing that yidden across the world really do care for eachother and that chaya's mother's name is going 'round the world through the power of the web and through the courage of a 16 year old who finally opened up.
May Zeesah Miriam bas Yehudis have a refuah shleima u'kerovah! and may her family only know brachos and simcha!
apparently however, much to my friend's dismay, the email did not contain anything even mildly amusing - it was actually a tehillim request with a creative subject line to encourage people to read it. my friend shared her disappreciation of such humor with me - i told her i thought it was clever because unfortunately many tehillim letters come each day, some repeats, some new - so why not get people's attention. we finished the conversation and i proceeded to go on with my day. later than evening i checked my own inbox and there sat that letter. i opened it and proceeded to read what was a very sad and touching request of a 16 year old girl to please recite tehillim for her mother. in such pure and simple words she explained the what her mother's illness was and what the doctors had said, that she didnt know if her mother would see her 17th birthday, how her brothers and sisters needed their mother. i scrolled down to see the name and recited kapital chof by rote. there was more writing at the bottom so i scrolled further - the letter was signed....by a girl i knew! i couldnt believe it ...the smilely, always happy, always thoughtful girl who was close with all my bnos chabad girls - was hurting every day and she hadnt told anyone. the letter took on whole meaning for me (i know all tehillim requests should really be just as painful but somehow knowing the person makes it so much more real and scary) i called my friend who had gotten the email first - i didnt even know what to tell her but i wanted to make sure she took the "funny letter" seriously. the past few days, each time i open my inbox i see i've re-received the letter - each time from someone new, from a different part of the world, from a different community and i find comfort knowing that yidden across the world really do care for eachother and that chaya's mother's name is going 'round the world through the power of the web and through the courage of a 16 year old who finally opened up.
May Zeesah Miriam bas Yehudis have a refuah shleima u'kerovah! and may her family only know brachos and simcha!
Sunday, May 27, 2007
dont fall for the trap.....dogoodjustcuz
there's a well known rule in the world of positive reinforcement - never tell someone "you did such a great job- you can do it again next time!" what your teaching them is once is never good enough for you so they had better not do a good job next time. i often consider this idea and its a big joke in my house e.g. hey, you did such a great job mopping the floor you can do it every time! but does it work on G-d? see i was thinking when something happens and we react - does the reaction affect future action one way or another? its Reizi that got me thinking - Shabbos was her yartzeit and in the days just before it I was scrambling to finish up commitments made in her memory. and i was by no stretch of the imagination the only one. hundreds of people ka"H had jumped on the band wagon, eager to take on hachlatos to makeReiziproud. but how did Hashem look at this situation? I have no doubt that He too is proud of us, and appreciates every mitzva and hachlata. but have we non-verbally told Hashem - "look, You throw horrible blows our way and we do mitzvos in return-perush-if you want us to do more mitzvos throw more bad things our way!"
i think there are two possible solutions - 1. dont react well to tragedies and maybe Hashem will see there's nothing to be gained from them or 2. start doing good just because - then we'll show Hashem that we dont need pain and sad thing to encourage us to do good
i'm pretty sure the latter is the way to go - the former just takes away any possible positive that could be brought out of a seemingly negative situation
so lets make our next campaign doinggoodjustcuz - and i'm sure that too will makeReiziproud
i think there are two possible solutions - 1. dont react well to tragedies and maybe Hashem will see there's nothing to be gained from them or 2. start doing good just because - then we'll show Hashem that we dont need pain and sad thing to encourage us to do good
i'm pretty sure the latter is the way to go - the former just takes away any possible positive that could be brought out of a seemingly negative situation
so lets make our next campaign doinggoodjustcuz - and i'm sure that too will makeReiziproud
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
steps in the sands of time
preface:
blogging has really paid off - i started to get myself into writing more and i've gotten so ensconced in this little writing haven that i actually relate to situations in terms of how writable they are anyway this erev shavuos marks the 2 year anniversary of a very special journey and i thought it time to put it down in words and play with the angle - to see how i could make the experience go even further ...so here goes.....
the young woman placed one last package in the cart. time was short and a long distance lay ahead. together she and two others set out on a journey. each woman led an animal laden with fruit and gifts an indication of the impending chag. hidden under perfectly folded muslin, secured tightly with knotted twine lay hours of painstaking work carefully stitched into fine seams of splendidly colored silk dresses and linen robes trimmed in gold braid
across each woman's shoulder hung a new leather pouch prepared especially for the trip. but all these were of lesser importance. it was the basket that made these women's heart skip. there atop the strongest of the animals sat an oddly shaped packaged wrapped and rewrapped to protect it from the scorching sun and the wind storms that accompanied the women on their journey. the package was a years worth of anticipation and growth. for within the careful wrappings lay a basket of bikkurim. from the very start of the year the earth had be worked to give the best fruits. seeds were planted and with watchful eyes the women waited for the first sprouts to raise their heads. gently the first fruit were labeled and how proudly they wore their red strings - a symbol of position and choice. now these new fruits had to be nurtured, insuring the most luscious of crops. when the sun was strong, the plants were shaded, when the rain fell short the produce was hand -watered.
weeks before the journey the women had gone to the water to gather reeds, carefully selecting and seperating them to be dyed. and then the weaving began - the women gathered together, each with her own pattern in mind, to share the joy and work. together they wove the patterns of each, including every braid, each intricate twist. the basket needed to be strong and large but also beautiful.
as the trip grew near other preparations began - food was cooked and stored, clothing sewn but each evening the women gathered to reinspect their basket and add another detail.
finally it was time to pick the first fruits. the family gathered together and each man, woman and child helped collect the gifts of fruit. into the basket each fruit went, baking it all the more beautiful and complete. then the basket was wrapped and mounted onto the strongest animal for transport. the children gathered flowers and colorful weeds to decorate the animal - making sure that their precious gift was carried in so befitting a manner.
alas the time had come - the men moved on ahead, taking with them the children. only the women stayed behind to check last minute arrangements and to accompany the basket.
the young woman looked proudly at the basket. This year was different. this year she was not riding along with the family. this year she was escorting her gift on foot. and she prayed that Hashem accept every step - a gift, dedicated to her Master. This year along with the bikkurim, she was presenting herself ....
....the young woman placed one more item in her bag and slung it over her shoulder. time was short and a long distance lay ahead. together she and two others set out on a journey. each woman carried a bag packed special for the trip. but these and all their feelings were .... in the light of the gift they carried with them. carefully wrapped and modestly covered the women protected a most precious gift - one that had taken the year to prepare.
the earth had been carefully prepared and from the very first moments of their arrival seeds were planted and carefully tended to. with sweat and tears the tiniest of saplings was protected and encouraged. when the hardships bore down too strong, the fruit was shaded, when strength fell short, the produce was lovingly revived.
weeks before the journey the women had refocused and scrambled to give the fruit all it could get before time ran out. gathering the choicest of words, the women began to weave - torah, mind and heart - into one beautiful basket. the women gathered together, each with her own pattern in mind, to share the joy and work. together they wove the patterns of each, including every braid, each intricate twist. the basket needed to be strong and lasting but also beautiful.
alas the time had come - the women prepared bags to be sent ahead with the rest. only three women stayed behind to check last minute arrangements and to accompany the basket
now, the young woman looked proudly inside at her basket. this year had been different. this year she was not riding along with the group. This year she was escorting her gift on foot. and she prayed that Hashem accept every step - a gift, dedicated to her Master. This year along with the bikkurim, she was presenting herself ....
two worlds - two times - one soul - one place
blogging has really paid off - i started to get myself into writing more and i've gotten so ensconced in this little writing haven that i actually relate to situations in terms of how writable they are anyway this erev shavuos marks the 2 year anniversary of a very special journey and i thought it time to put it down in words and play with the angle - to see how i could make the experience go even further ...so here goes.....
the young woman placed one last package in the cart. time was short and a long distance lay ahead. together she and two others set out on a journey. each woman led an animal laden with fruit and gifts an indication of the impending chag. hidden under perfectly folded muslin, secured tightly with knotted twine lay hours of painstaking work carefully stitched into fine seams of splendidly colored silk dresses and linen robes trimmed in gold braid
across each woman's shoulder hung a new leather pouch prepared especially for the trip. but all these were of lesser importance. it was the basket that made these women's heart skip. there atop the strongest of the animals sat an oddly shaped packaged wrapped and rewrapped to protect it from the scorching sun and the wind storms that accompanied the women on their journey. the package was a years worth of anticipation and growth. for within the careful wrappings lay a basket of bikkurim. from the very start of the year the earth had be worked to give the best fruits. seeds were planted and with watchful eyes the women waited for the first sprouts to raise their heads. gently the first fruit were labeled and how proudly they wore their red strings - a symbol of position and choice. now these new fruits had to be nurtured, insuring the most luscious of crops. when the sun was strong, the plants were shaded, when the rain fell short the produce was hand -watered.
weeks before the journey the women had gone to the water to gather reeds, carefully selecting and seperating them to be dyed. and then the weaving began - the women gathered together, each with her own pattern in mind, to share the joy and work. together they wove the patterns of each, including every braid, each intricate twist. the basket needed to be strong and large but also beautiful.
as the trip grew near other preparations began - food was cooked and stored, clothing sewn but each evening the women gathered to reinspect their basket and add another detail.
finally it was time to pick the first fruits. the family gathered together and each man, woman and child helped collect the gifts of fruit. into the basket each fruit went, baking it all the more beautiful and complete. then the basket was wrapped and mounted onto the strongest animal for transport. the children gathered flowers and colorful weeds to decorate the animal - making sure that their precious gift was carried in so befitting a manner.
alas the time had come - the men moved on ahead, taking with them the children. only the women stayed behind to check last minute arrangements and to accompany the basket.
the young woman looked proudly at the basket. This year was different. this year she was not riding along with the family. this year she was escorting her gift on foot. and she prayed that Hashem accept every step - a gift, dedicated to her Master. This year along with the bikkurim, she was presenting herself ....
....the young woman placed one more item in her bag and slung it over her shoulder. time was short and a long distance lay ahead. together she and two others set out on a journey. each woman carried a bag packed special for the trip. but these and all their feelings were .... in the light of the gift they carried with them. carefully wrapped and modestly covered the women protected a most precious gift - one that had taken the year to prepare.
the earth had been carefully prepared and from the very first moments of their arrival seeds were planted and carefully tended to. with sweat and tears the tiniest of saplings was protected and encouraged. when the hardships bore down too strong, the fruit was shaded, when strength fell short, the produce was lovingly revived.
weeks before the journey the women had refocused and scrambled to give the fruit all it could get before time ran out. gathering the choicest of words, the women began to weave - torah, mind and heart - into one beautiful basket. the women gathered together, each with her own pattern in mind, to share the joy and work. together they wove the patterns of each, including every braid, each intricate twist. the basket needed to be strong and lasting but also beautiful.
alas the time had come - the women prepared bags to be sent ahead with the rest. only three women stayed behind to check last minute arrangements and to accompany the basket
now, the young woman looked proudly inside at her basket. this year had been different. this year she was not riding along with the group. This year she was escorting her gift on foot. and she prayed that Hashem accept every step - a gift, dedicated to her Master. This year along with the bikkurim, she was presenting herself ....
two worlds - two times - one soul - one place
Sunday, May 20, 2007
sorry
yes i have alot to aplogize for and no i have not fallen off the face of the earth! so chanie and i finally got to go out together last night. b4 i go on w/ my o so boring post onthe blog i would just like to say how proud i am of chanie, she works so hard and she will prob be upset w/ me for braggin but i think she's the best friend in the world and i do not deserve her. now that i 've said that i can tell you that i had 3 cups of coffee last night and was totally unable to sleep till 6(and i did e/t u know the whole sit still and not think thing) ok thats my thought for the day, do not drink coffee before bed:)
Friday, May 18, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
3 am and 4 coffees later....
ok not my typical piece but duty calls so i had to come up with it....
Policies Policy:
Whereas, we would like to convey in a most somber & legalitarian fashion that the policies henceforth stated are in no way to be altered. And whereas tampering with any and all policies will result in heavy finage and corporal punishment. It is thus established that the use of this OnePoshShop.com implies unconditional acceptance of these and any other policies we deem necessary including but not limited to: fanmail, flowers on Posh birthdays, free iced coffee and forced labor in our warehouse. If for whatever reason the shopper feels unable to abide by the above and below and left and right statutes, please shop anyway - hey we're just kidding!
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So this is where we assure you that the information you send us is for our use only and will not be sold on the blackmarket to telemarketers wearing satellite antenae that screen for and track the precise time of your dinner. We also assure you that what you agree to purchase in each Posh order is exclusively the items you placed in your shopping bag and not any additional purchases such as an island that is stuffed into the pocket of a Posh skirt for which you will be billed a small fee of $450 on the 3rd Thursday of every other month until eternity.
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YOU MUST ORDER - and that's orders!
Or in nicer words:
Online:
Please browse our wonderful online catalog and feel at ease making purchases using our fully secure server. If you feel the need to ask any further questions please email us at info@oneposhshop.com.
By Phone:
We accept phone orders 24/6 via our reliable, polite and ever so friendly voicefemail at -------. However, if you call during our business hours of 9-6 EST you may chance upon a human. If you feel startled, uncomfortable or othewise insecure about this, feel free to hang up and try again later - you may actually reach our voicefemail.
By Fax:
If you would like to order by fax please send it to ----- - we do however ask that every fax order include a note of accolade for the Trois Soeurs.
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Cancelling or Changing an Order
If you would like to cancel or change an order that you've just placed, please call ------ as soon as the idea dawns on you. If we still have the order in our possession we will gladly accomodate. If we no longer have the order in hand but the mailman is still within view we will gladly chase after him for a small exercise fee. If the order is well on its way the order can not be cancelled and must be returned or exchanged.
Payment Methods
We accept any form of real, non-fraudulent American money.
Please note: Monopoly money and Hebrew School Torah dollars will not be accepted.
We are currently in the process of arranging a barter system - please check back if you:
Wash floors, do nails, or other useful services.
Shipping Policy
While the above title suggest otherwise, Posh no longer sends packages via ship.
What we will do however is process your order within 1-2 business days. Please keep in mind when selecting your shipping options that we ship business days only, excluding all major and Jewish and major Jewish holidays. If your item can not be shipped due to backorder or other unforseeable problem we will notify you immediately.
Shipping fees are based on your order and the shipping method you choose.
Return Policy
Let's be quite frank - anything you buy from Posh is beautiful, perfect & you love it. So if you have found even the slightest reason to return it - you better think twice. If on second thought you still wish to return it - well go ahead, we have to let you because of that sign we have buried somewhere in a pile of junk that says something about 100% customer satisfaction.
Standard Return Policy:
We will gladly refund or exchange any non-sale items less the cost of shipping, within 30 days of receipt. Sale items may be returned for store credit only.
We highly encourage you to track your returns as we will not refund any item we do not receive.
Please note, we cannot accept returns for any reason after 30 days of receipt. Nor can we accept any returns or exchanges that have been worn or otherwise soiled.
Policies Policy:
Whereas, we would like to convey in a most somber & legalitarian fashion that the policies henceforth stated are in no way to be altered. And whereas tampering with any and all policies will result in heavy finage and corporal punishment. It is thus established that the use of this OnePoshShop.com implies unconditional acceptance of these and any other policies we deem necessary including but not limited to: fanmail, flowers on Posh birthdays, free iced coffee and forced labor in our warehouse. If for whatever reason the shopper feels unable to abide by the above and below and left and right statutes, please shop anyway - hey we're just kidding!
Privacy Policy:
So this is where we assure you that the information you send us is for our use only and will not be sold on the blackmarket to telemarketers wearing satellite antenae that screen for and track the precise time of your dinner. We also assure you that what you agree to purchase in each Posh order is exclusively the items you placed in your shopping bag and not any additional purchases such as an island that is stuffed into the pocket of a Posh skirt for which you will be billed a small fee of $450 on the 3rd Thursday of every other month until eternity.
Order Policy
YOU MUST ORDER - and that's orders!
Or in nicer words:
Online:
Please browse our wonderful online catalog and feel at ease making purchases using our fully secure server. If you feel the need to ask any further questions please email us at info@oneposhshop.com.
By Phone:
We accept phone orders 24/6 via our reliable, polite and ever so friendly voicefemail at -------. However, if you call during our business hours of 9-6 EST you may chance upon a human. If you feel startled, uncomfortable or othewise insecure about this, feel free to hang up and try again later - you may actually reach our voicefemail.
By Fax:
If you would like to order by fax please send it to ----- - we do however ask that every fax order include a note of accolade for the Trois Soeurs.
International Orders:
We will be overjoyed to ship overseas however our system is overrun and underconfigured to accomodate such shipping calculations. Please place all international orders by phone. See phone orders below for further details.
Cancelling or Changing an Order
If you would like to cancel or change an order that you've just placed, please call ------ as soon as the idea dawns on you. If we still have the order in our possession we will gladly accomodate. If we no longer have the order in hand but the mailman is still within view we will gladly chase after him for a small exercise fee. If the order is well on its way the order can not be cancelled and must be returned or exchanged.
Payment Methods
We accept any form of real, non-fraudulent American money.
Please note: Monopoly money and Hebrew School Torah dollars will not be accepted.
We are currently in the process of arranging a barter system - please check back if you:
Wash floors, do nails, or other useful services.
Shipping Policy
While the above title suggest otherwise, Posh no longer sends packages via ship.
What we will do however is process your order within 1-2 business days. Please keep in mind when selecting your shipping options that we ship business days only, excluding all major and Jewish and major Jewish holidays. If your item can not be shipped due to backorder or other unforseeable problem we will notify you immediately.
Shipping fees are based on your order and the shipping method you choose.
Return Policy
Let's be quite frank - anything you buy from Posh is beautiful, perfect & you love it. So if you have found even the slightest reason to return it - you better think twice. If on second thought you still wish to return it - well go ahead, we have to let you because of that sign we have buried somewhere in a pile of junk that says something about 100% customer satisfaction.
Standard Return Policy:
We will gladly refund or exchange any non-sale items less the cost of shipping, within 30 days of receipt. Sale items may be returned for store credit only.
We highly encourage you to track your returns as we will not refund any item we do not receive.
Please note, we cannot accept returns for any reason after 30 days of receipt. Nor can we accept any returns or exchanges that have been worn or otherwise soiled.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Creepy Crawler
HOT OFF THE PRESS:
My nephew started crawling!! Ok that alone - not so thrilling...but that means that walking and talking are right around the corner and for that, I can not wait. I can see it now, walking hand in hand on a beautiful summer's day, his baby smooth fingers clutching my hand, when suddenly he looks up at me with his crystal clear blue eyes and in the sweet, soft voice of a baby says, "i'm hungry!" oh wait that was supposed to be something tender ...oh well...not all moments work out the way we dream. But he sure did ...my boo is just the way i dreamed - even better!
Friday, May 11, 2007
spread a little light
More Light
Fighting evil is a very noble activity when it must be done. But it is not our mission in life.
Our job is to bring in more light.
From the teachings of the Rebbe; rendered by Tzvi Freeman
Monday, May 07, 2007
shared prayers
two women sitting side by side
one is blessed one deprived
they both recite their prayers long
one in tears the other song
one: thank you for her souls bequeathed
one: let her care for souls, beseeched
and while their books were two akin
their thoughts diametric as within
with identic words but polar minds
each asked for gifts of different kinds
and One G-d heard the voice of both
and answered each with separate growth
one with support and direction
one with offspring and affection
and granted not was each mother
but that she prayed for the other
May it be Hashem's will that the power of Lag B'Omer and the special tefillos recited on that day break all heavenly decrees and all extenuating circumstances and let each Jewish couple know the joy of bringing children into this world.
one is blessed one deprived
they both recite their prayers long
one in tears the other song
one: thank you for her souls bequeathed
one: let her care for souls, beseeched
and while their books were two akin
their thoughts diametric as within
with identic words but polar minds
each asked for gifts of different kinds
and One G-d heard the voice of both
and answered each with separate growth
one with support and direction
one with offspring and affection
and granted not was each mother
but that she prayed for the other
May it be Hashem's will that the power of Lag B'Omer and the special tefillos recited on that day break all heavenly decrees and all extenuating circumstances and let each Jewish couple know the joy of bringing children into this world.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
today was yud-daled iyar. but it was also wednesday. so like every other wednesday i taught hebrew school. i told my students that today was something special - that it was pesach sheni and that in honor of today we would eat matzah. the kids were excited mostly because we were eating matzah. then class continued. we talked about the up and coming lag b'omer. the kids were really excited. after all lag b'omer is major. its chet v'keshet, medurah - its a full blown holiday. we learned about why a fire and why a bow and mostly why we celebrate. as a finishing touch we made edible medurot - toasting our marshmallows over pretzels and fruit roll-up. then the next class came in and we did it all over again.
when hebrew school was over i packed up and drove home. but there was a thought nagging me. why is it that lag b'omer is so huge and pesach sheni is just a piece of matzah? pesach sheni should be major - i mean c'mon its our second chance...we should be jumping and screaming, spreading the word on billboards and yet all we do is eat matzah. and lag b'omer, sure we should celebrate but why not like every other celebration, sitting around the table - wine, meat and bread? why dancing and fires, music and toys? why is lag b'omer strong enough to break the mourning of sefirah but our second chance to connect to Hashem is nothing but crummy flat bread.
well i leave these as questions for now ... answers will come
when hebrew school was over i packed up and drove home. but there was a thought nagging me. why is it that lag b'omer is so huge and pesach sheni is just a piece of matzah? pesach sheni should be major - i mean c'mon its our second chance...we should be jumping and screaming, spreading the word on billboards and yet all we do is eat matzah. and lag b'omer, sure we should celebrate but why not like every other celebration, sitting around the table - wine, meat and bread? why dancing and fires, music and toys? why is lag b'omer strong enough to break the mourning of sefirah but our second chance to connect to Hashem is nothing but crummy flat bread.
well i leave these as questions for now ... answers will come
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
are we losing our sense of Rebbe?
The Frierdiker Rebbe bemoaned the fall of Czarist Russia, telling us that we had lost our concept of a king thereby losing our chance to truly experience the moshal that so perfectly describes our relationship to The King and our place in Avodas Hashem. Those who experienced life under the Czar may have held onto the concept but surely it faded with time. Those who never knew the Czar were further removed and surely they sooner filled the void of this loss. It amazes me that such a horrible man - a goy through and through could have affected our avoda so strongly. L'havdil elef alfei havdalos - the Rebbe, perhaps in a different manner, guided our avoda. But as time passes, can we lose our sense of Rebbe? Its a thought that has plagued me off and on for a while. When I write a p"n I feel as if I'm cheating - that I get away with just washing my hands and throwing in some extra Chassidus. Even going to the Ohel - I'm always underprepared and definately underwhelmed. Ok there were times that a 7 hour bus ride filled with learning and Rabbi Deren's giving over the Hishtatchus maamer put me in the right mindset - but more often its - well we're going to NY anyway or its been a while, better check in. It's not that I dont know that going to the Rebbe is so important - I think its because I know that I feel like there's perhaps a lack of sensitivity or at the very least of understanding.
Anyway there's a reason I've brought it up now. Tonight as I sat Indian style on the floor, talking away on the phone, my mother walked into the room and said, "At 10pm the Stropkover is coming to the house so make sure you arent wearing that." Of course she was referring to my denim skirt. For a moment I entertained the thought of going and changing into Shabbos clothes but I was in the middle of Jnet learning and I figured I'd change later - or at least not go down stairs. I made a passing comment to my chavrusa to which she replied, "A REBBE IS COMING TO YOUR HOUSE?!" Why I didnt take that as a wake up call I dont know, why I didnt say you know, I really need to prepare myself can I call you back in a few moments - who knows. But I continued sitting there, same position with a sefer open on my lap. And we continued learning. 45 minutes later I hung up the phone and took a 10 minute break before my 2nd chavrusa - we were really scheduled for Monday but since there had been a schedule conflict on her part we had rescheduled for tonight. So I took my break and went down to visit my sister who was dutifully cleaning the basement. Why didnt I run downstairs and tell her, quick we have 15 minutes, lets clean up - truthfully, it slipped my mind. So we talked a bit and then back upstairs I went to call my 10pm learning partner. She was in the middle of something and said she'd call me back - it was only then that it occurred to me to mention something to my sister - so back down I went only to tell her not to come upstairs in her jean skirt - then it finally hit me - HELLO WHO CARES ABOUT SKIRTS - THIS HOUSE IS A WRECK AND WE HAVE A REBBE COMING?! I ran back to the basement door and screamed down for my sister to join me - in a whirlwind we stuffed dishes in the dishwasher and pulled off the vinyl tablecloth - we were in the midst of our cleaning when there was a knock at the door - at first we ignored it - I know, how do you leave a Rebbe standing on your doorstep but we still had to finish cleaning - so waited for the 2nd knock - then it dawned on us - we were both still in our denim skirts - neither one of us could open the door! We scrambled to and fro and then dashed upstairs, screaming for my mother - she jumped up and came running, just as my sister looked out the window and said, "oh its only Ta." So back down we went to try and finish what we had started when 5 seconds later the doorbell rang - this time there was no stalling - we both ran out of sight just as my father opened the door for the Heilige Stropkover Rebbe.
As I sat upstairs hearing my father speak to the Rebbe - huffing and puffing from the pre-meeting marathon, those thoughts about the Rebbe came back to me. How could I have been so thoughtless. How could I have no rushed into a mad cleaning mode, why hadnt I baked fresh cookies? It wasnt like this last time the Stropkover Rebbe came. Could it really be that we are gradually losing our sensitivity? Are we losing our concept of Rebbe? The thought frightens me and I dont really want to answer - but I can't get over this: I consider myself a chassidista but I wasnt prepared for the Rebbe to walk into my home. The house should have glowed for hours or at the very least for the hour and half that I was home. I should have washed my hands and learned something and watched in awe from the kitchen. How could I have let this opportunity pass, exiled upstairs because my skirt wasnt befitting a Rebbe (whether that means I shouldnt wear it at all - well we wont even go there).
Reb Zushe learned 7 things from a thief. I've learned at least 1 from this experience: that I've got a whole lot of working on myself to do - I'm not going to stand idly by as I lose a chance to experience hiskashrus -next time, I'm going to be ready!
Anyway there's a reason I've brought it up now. Tonight as I sat Indian style on the floor, talking away on the phone, my mother walked into the room and said, "At 10pm the Stropkover is coming to the house so make sure you arent wearing that." Of course she was referring to my denim skirt. For a moment I entertained the thought of going and changing into Shabbos clothes but I was in the middle of Jnet learning and I figured I'd change later - or at least not go down stairs. I made a passing comment to my chavrusa to which she replied, "A REBBE IS COMING TO YOUR HOUSE?!" Why I didnt take that as a wake up call I dont know, why I didnt say you know, I really need to prepare myself can I call you back in a few moments - who knows. But I continued sitting there, same position with a sefer open on my lap. And we continued learning. 45 minutes later I hung up the phone and took a 10 minute break before my 2nd chavrusa - we were really scheduled for Monday but since there had been a schedule conflict on her part we had rescheduled for tonight. So I took my break and went down to visit my sister who was dutifully cleaning the basement. Why didnt I run downstairs and tell her, quick we have 15 minutes, lets clean up - truthfully, it slipped my mind. So we talked a bit and then back upstairs I went to call my 10pm learning partner. She was in the middle of something and said she'd call me back - it was only then that it occurred to me to mention something to my sister - so back down I went only to tell her not to come upstairs in her jean skirt - then it finally hit me - HELLO WHO CARES ABOUT SKIRTS - THIS HOUSE IS A WRECK AND WE HAVE A REBBE COMING?! I ran back to the basement door and screamed down for my sister to join me - in a whirlwind we stuffed dishes in the dishwasher and pulled off the vinyl tablecloth - we were in the midst of our cleaning when there was a knock at the door - at first we ignored it - I know, how do you leave a Rebbe standing on your doorstep but we still had to finish cleaning - so waited for the 2nd knock - then it dawned on us - we were both still in our denim skirts - neither one of us could open the door! We scrambled to and fro and then dashed upstairs, screaming for my mother - she jumped up and came running, just as my sister looked out the window and said, "oh its only Ta." So back down we went to try and finish what we had started when 5 seconds later the doorbell rang - this time there was no stalling - we both ran out of sight just as my father opened the door for the Heilige Stropkover Rebbe.
As I sat upstairs hearing my father speak to the Rebbe - huffing and puffing from the pre-meeting marathon, those thoughts about the Rebbe came back to me. How could I have been so thoughtless. How could I have no rushed into a mad cleaning mode, why hadnt I baked fresh cookies? It wasnt like this last time the Stropkover Rebbe came. Could it really be that we are gradually losing our sensitivity? Are we losing our concept of Rebbe? The thought frightens me and I dont really want to answer - but I can't get over this: I consider myself a chassidista but I wasnt prepared for the Rebbe to walk into my home. The house should have glowed for hours or at the very least for the hour and half that I was home. I should have washed my hands and learned something and watched in awe from the kitchen. How could I have let this opportunity pass, exiled upstairs because my skirt wasnt befitting a Rebbe (whether that means I shouldnt wear it at all - well we wont even go there).
Reb Zushe learned 7 things from a thief. I've learned at least 1 from this experience: that I've got a whole lot of working on myself to do - I'm not going to stand idly by as I lose a chance to experience hiskashrus -next time, I'm going to be ready!
Monday, April 23, 2007
role reversal
why do i start out hurting and end up feeling guilty. am i way off when i tell you how your words crush me? am i being selfish when i crack and cant hold my own words back? well dear though you may not understand, my heart -it works both ways
if im cold and closed - i wont hurt or at least you'll never know.
if i open up and let you in - i leave my soul exposed.
so how do i do both at once - be soft and yet stay firm? how do i leave you with a shoulder strong - to lean on when you need - when my body quivers - my chin trembles and tears threaten to betray me?
how do i tell you how much i love you - how much you hurt me back? how do i respond when you challenge my distance - when its you who pushed me far? is it worth the breath to explain myself when your memory fast grows dim? will you never get what it means to feel or how it feels to mean? can you see a frown within a laugh, hear a sigh within a song?
but alas you can't and your mind wont grasp a heart that grows complex. and so its me i make a joke as i attempt to clue you in. its me who broke and you who feels odd and as the silence thickens with remorse and the quiet leaves room to forgive - you fill it up with an empty pledge, commitment that will fade and you profess your guilt, your sorrow and your luck that i'm your friend - and you leave me feeling all the more foolish and now its me who bears the guilt. and its me who must apologize for putting you out of place - for over expressing and under correcting and well...for finally ...being me.
and so now its i who'll pledge not to weight you with my thoughts but to fill your life with ...fun...with broken smiles and empty laughs ...ooooh it'll be such fun. and so we end off as before - things all set the way you like...you'll hold on to a friend you no longer know, you'll live moments of the past and as for me, well if your happy then i'm happy, dear.
if im cold and closed - i wont hurt or at least you'll never know.
if i open up and let you in - i leave my soul exposed.
so how do i do both at once - be soft and yet stay firm? how do i leave you with a shoulder strong - to lean on when you need - when my body quivers - my chin trembles and tears threaten to betray me?
how do i tell you how much i love you - how much you hurt me back? how do i respond when you challenge my distance - when its you who pushed me far? is it worth the breath to explain myself when your memory fast grows dim? will you never get what it means to feel or how it feels to mean? can you see a frown within a laugh, hear a sigh within a song?
but alas you can't and your mind wont grasp a heart that grows complex. and so its me i make a joke as i attempt to clue you in. its me who broke and you who feels odd and as the silence thickens with remorse and the quiet leaves room to forgive - you fill it up with an empty pledge, commitment that will fade and you profess your guilt, your sorrow and your luck that i'm your friend - and you leave me feeling all the more foolish and now its me who bears the guilt. and its me who must apologize for putting you out of place - for over expressing and under correcting and well...for finally ...being me.
and so now its i who'll pledge not to weight you with my thoughts but to fill your life with ...fun...with broken smiles and empty laughs ...ooooh it'll be such fun. and so we end off as before - things all set the way you like...you'll hold on to a friend you no longer know, you'll live moments of the past and as for me, well if your happy then i'm happy, dear.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
my shabbos friend
there's a lady in my shul who is my special shabbos friend. well its not that we're not friends otherwise its just that i rarely see her outside of shul. but each shabbos i look forward to going to shul and sitting in my usual spot right behind her. and then i wait for her to slowly turn around with a twinkle in her eye and a wise smirk on her face - yes wise is a good word for her. i dont think of many people as wise - but she most definately is just that. she's the kind of person who says things that you want to drink up and save forever because each little comment she says seems to open up a treasury of wisdom. and i love to listen to her and drink up her words.
this Shabbos, like every Shabbos, i came in a bit late - not too late but then again not too early. and i took my place right behind her and then - just a few minutes later than I expected - just enough time to be unexpected - she turned around and asked me a question. of course my answer never matters to these questions - its really all about the question - therein lies the wisdom. but i often answer just to get a conversation going - and to make sure she'll continue sharing. she asked: "is it easier to be forgiven by Hashem or by people?" it was brilliant -well then again she could ask me to pass the crackers at a kiddush and i would think it was brilliant - but this one i didnt consider too long - sometimes i do either because i need to or just to make me seem thoughtful - but i answered her - we both agreed Hashem. and we discussed why and how and how awful it is to ask for forgiveness from some who doesnt know you ever wronged them - how horrible it is to tell them, to hurt them just to ask for forgiveness. and we talked about the things i've done that haunt me that i'll never forget that i hope and pray the others involved have forgotten - those things that make my stomach hurt just thinking about them.
and then she asked about the horrible tragedy our community is experiencing - but she saw my eyes well up and she stopped her questions. and then she told me something that made her upset - about a person who didnt care enough to say hello to her son - giddi. nice people shouldnt have to deal with that. then she told me something really neat:
there's a word in Tehillim that is only written once - the word is matmonim מטמונים - if you break up the word you get: מ"ט-מונים-counting 49 -0bvoiously referring to counting the omer. she told me that many people include this in written correspondence during the sefirah e.g. today would be: י"ט במטמונים. so what's so k0ol about that? in Hebrew מטמונים means hidden treasures- so sefirah is our time to unearth those hidden treasures - work out and bring each level of each of our middos to the surface - how apropos! yes she most definately is a hidden treasure.
this Shabbos, like every Shabbos, i came in a bit late - not too late but then again not too early. and i took my place right behind her and then - just a few minutes later than I expected - just enough time to be unexpected - she turned around and asked me a question. of course my answer never matters to these questions - its really all about the question - therein lies the wisdom. but i often answer just to get a conversation going - and to make sure she'll continue sharing. she asked: "is it easier to be forgiven by Hashem or by people?" it was brilliant -well then again she could ask me to pass the crackers at a kiddush and i would think it was brilliant - but this one i didnt consider too long - sometimes i do either because i need to or just to make me seem thoughtful - but i answered her - we both agreed Hashem. and we discussed why and how and how awful it is to ask for forgiveness from some who doesnt know you ever wronged them - how horrible it is to tell them, to hurt them just to ask for forgiveness. and we talked about the things i've done that haunt me that i'll never forget that i hope and pray the others involved have forgotten - those things that make my stomach hurt just thinking about them.
and then she asked about the horrible tragedy our community is experiencing - but she saw my eyes well up and she stopped her questions. and then she told me something that made her upset - about a person who didnt care enough to say hello to her son - giddi. nice people shouldnt have to deal with that. then she told me something really neat:
there's a word in Tehillim that is only written once - the word is matmonim מטמונים - if you break up the word you get: מ"ט-מונים-counting 49 -0bvoiously referring to counting the omer. she told me that many people include this in written correspondence during the sefirah e.g. today would be: י"ט במטמונים. so what's so k0ol about that? in Hebrew מטמונים means hidden treasures- so sefirah is our time to unearth those hidden treasures - work out and bring each level of each of our middos to the surface - how apropos! yes she most definately is a hidden treasure.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
never say never cuz never's....well bound to happen
i always said never - cause there wasnt a chance - no way i was ever - so i said never
wats wrong with never - when you know and your certain - wats wrong with never - so wat its forever
if they inquired- i laughed - when they asked- i said no - when they begged i said never
and now its become my endeavor!
wats wrong with never - when you know and your certain - wats wrong with never - so wat its forever
if they inquired- i laughed - when they asked- i said no - when they begged i said never
and now its become my endeavor!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Don't forget us back at home
there's no way you were taken
there's no sense to make of it
you were doing all you were supposed to
you were doing holy work
you moved far from family
from friends and kosher food
you moved to teach and share
and feed our young chassidim
to nourish body with soul
so how can this world continue
when there is a hole gaping black
who will do you work
who will hold your babies tight
you would have been our perfect teacher
i told them just last night
of your love and experience
of how lucky we would be
but by then you had just left us
and our chance had dissapeared
we wanted you to teach the cheder
not start it in your name
well we will start it
there's no question now
and we will make you proud
please dont forget us
please help us and guide us
so we can do it right - like you
there's no sense to make of it
you were doing all you were supposed to
you were doing holy work
you moved far from family
from friends and kosher food
you moved to teach and share
and feed our young chassidim
to nourish body with soul
so how can this world continue
when there is a hole gaping black
who will do you work
who will hold your babies tight
you would have been our perfect teacher
i told them just last night
of your love and experience
of how lucky we would be
but by then you had just left us
and our chance had dissapeared
we wanted you to teach the cheder
not start it in your name
well we will start it
there's no question now
and we will make you proud
please dont forget us
please help us and guide us
so we can do it right - like you
did we really need another reason & Hashem do you ever cry?!?!?
its up to us to do our part
the Rebbe's work is done
but here we strain 16 years later
losing - one by one
you take the men who care the most
the ones who did things right
you take young mothers pure as gold
you steal them in the night
and no matter what they did
and no matter what we do
the most precious, kindest souls
are taken back to you
our army shrinks
the enemy grows
the fight stands unresolved
but our wounds are raw
our guidance dim
and morale seems to dissolve
so if we've screamed
and they've cried too
dont you think the time is yours?
Hashem we say, we've done all we can
NOW ITS UP TO YOU!
the Rebbe's work is done
but here we strain 16 years later
losing - one by one
you take the men who care the most
the ones who did things right
you take young mothers pure as gold
you steal them in the night
and no matter what they did
and no matter what we do
the most precious, kindest souls
are taken back to you
our army shrinks
the enemy grows
the fight stands unresolved
but our wounds are raw
our guidance dim
and morale seems to dissolve
so if we've screamed
and they've cried too
dont you think the time is yours?
Hashem we say, we've done all we can
NOW ITS UP TO YOU!
Sunday, April 15, 2007
wasted moments reaccounted for
last time i wrote i was having post-pesach-stress-syndrome - and if you think there's no such thing well i'll tell you first hand that there sure is. well B"H life got busy and i guess i pushed the feelings aside but i was still quite unsure of where things were going and where they should be going and i still was sure that there had been more to accomplish on Pesach but that i'd lost the chance.
then last night happened - and B"H that it did - well for a number of reasons a. that its much better than the alternative but b. because things started to work out - options opened up, planning happened - i finally felt like things were moving and i, with them. and then as the cherry on top - a wonderful peak to an upward shift, i received the following letter:
"Hey Chanie,
I really meant to call you and Rochel right after I got back to NYC, but then time just flew. I did get your number from Frumah but I totally forgot to call and then I just saw that you all are friends on Facebook. No pressure to friend me or anything (!!) but I actually wanted to know if you would be interested in having a chavrusa. Now I know you are plenty busy with doing a million and five things and I also find myself busy a lot but I really learnt sooooo much from you and Rochel at the Moshiach Seder. it really was the highlight of my pesach and that I what I have been telling everyone. My dvar torah at the shabbos dinner I had in my apartment this past shabbos was from the seudah! Anyway let me know but either way I do want to thank you and Rochel so much for hosting a wonderful event.
Take care and shavuah tov!
so maybe, just maybe those precious moments werent wasted afterall.
then last night happened - and B"H that it did - well for a number of reasons a. that its much better than the alternative but b. because things started to work out - options opened up, planning happened - i finally felt like things were moving and i, with them. and then as the cherry on top - a wonderful peak to an upward shift, i received the following letter:
"Hey Chanie,
I really meant to call you and Rochel right after I got back to NYC, but then time just flew. I did get your number from Frumah but I totally forgot to call and then I just saw that you all are friends on Facebook. No pressure to friend me or anything (!!) but I actually wanted to know if you would be interested in having a chavrusa. Now I know you are plenty busy with doing a million and five things and I also find myself busy a lot but I really learnt sooooo much from you and Rochel at the Moshiach Seder. it really was the highlight of my pesach and that I what I have been telling everyone. My dvar torah at the shabbos dinner I had in my apartment this past shabbos was from the seudah! Anyway let me know but either way I do want to thank you and Rochel so much for hosting a wonderful event.
Take care and shavuah tov!
so maybe, just maybe those precious moments werent wasted afterall.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Noch a Pesach Tzugekumen
its 2:52 am motzei Pesach- post kitchen change over and pizza. i sit here struggling with a strong sense of ambivalence. as if Pesach left without saying goodbye. as if no matter how hard i tried to hold on - it slipped away. i feel this way every year but each time it hits me hard. we sit around the table, learning, singing, connecting to each other - really farbrenging. the atmosphere is beyond this world - i can really believe that it is Moshiach's Seuda. each time as the table gets quiet or the conversation starts to turn - a thought comes to me, a piece of chassidus, something to share. and i'm giving the strength and all the right words to speak it. we sing and there is something special there - everyone can feel it. we remind each other of the tremendous power these last moments of Pesach hold and how they give us the strength to leave our maytzarim and experience cherus. we speak of hiskashrus, of hachlatas, of gilui moshiach. we start seder niggunim - sharing a vort, a story, something about each Rebbe. we reach the Frierdiker Rebbe - America is Nit Andersht - we sing the Benoni niggun. geula is palpable. we're almost there. just one more push, one song, one word. and then a car honks. once, twice, there is a knock at the door. i want to say go away - we're not finished - this is so special, don't ruin it! i want to lock the door and keep everyone inside. i want us to stay on this level, in this moment - forever. we dont even have time to tell a story of the Rebbe. we sing Tzama Lecha Nafshi - and amazingly - we really sing it. despite the cars and families waiting, the dishes calling, the details pulling at us - we live out the moment. and then its silent. there are just three of us left - staring at a table full of dishes, half eaten matza, empty cups of wine. i wont bentch - i wont end it. this is my island in time - the culmination of weeks of work - inside and out. these are the priceless experiences of our personal exodus. one last guest must be taken home. with a forced smile i assure her it is no problem and rummage for my keys. but i dont want to get in the car - to leave my Pesach table. when i get back its time to clean, to put things back to how they were. but it feels fake and so unholy. the packed dishes weigh heavy on my heart. i am not ready for the to-do list, the programs, the work - but their time has come. so i reach deep inside - past ambivalence and sadness, past inspiration and warmth. until i reach mobility - the drive that will propel me forward. the boost that encourages me - you've accomplished another Pesach- it will always be yours.
now what will you do with it?
now what will you do with it?
Thursday, April 05, 2007
if you fall i'll catch you
my friend,
i saw you through your open window. you left it open just a crack, enough to see you hurting, not enough to hold you tight. i watched you from a distance - one that i had created but one i couldnt take away. but i stood there watching, taking it all in. i picked up on every comment, each waver, every vacillation, each change. you said things didnt matter but in your heart you know they did. i watched you accept so readily and now give up even faster. i saw you leave so much behind - reaching for something more comfortable, more familiar. but that which you have left behind is what is most familiar to you. there are so many things i wish to tell you, to explain, to go back and change. its too late now- this i know. but i must share with you somethings you dont. know that every time i think of you i'm overcome with sweet, sweet memories. know that when i hear your name i smile. know that i am so proud of you for all the smart things you say, the good grades you get, the arguments you start. know that i remember all those words you spoke in the wee hours of the morning. know that every time i run i think of how you're faster. know that i pray for you - hoping, begging that you find yourself and happiness. but most of all know how much it hurts me to see you hurting, how much i feel at fault, how much i'd give to change things. know that next time you fall, i hope i'm there to catch you.
love always,
your friend
i saw you through your open window. you left it open just a crack, enough to see you hurting, not enough to hold you tight. i watched you from a distance - one that i had created but one i couldnt take away. but i stood there watching, taking it all in. i picked up on every comment, each waver, every vacillation, each change. you said things didnt matter but in your heart you know they did. i watched you accept so readily and now give up even faster. i saw you leave so much behind - reaching for something more comfortable, more familiar. but that which you have left behind is what is most familiar to you. there are so many things i wish to tell you, to explain, to go back and change. its too late now- this i know. but i must share with you somethings you dont. know that every time i think of you i'm overcome with sweet, sweet memories. know that when i hear your name i smile. know that i am so proud of you for all the smart things you say, the good grades you get, the arguments you start. know that i remember all those words you spoke in the wee hours of the morning. know that every time i run i think of how you're faster. know that i pray for you - hoping, begging that you find yourself and happiness. but most of all know how much it hurts me to see you hurting, how much i feel at fault, how much i'd give to change things. know that next time you fall, i hope i'm there to catch you.
love always,
your friend
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