home stretch

i'm back to school in less than 8 hours but its the final days - and that's what's keeping me going. we're learning Tof! I'm not sure how an entire year just upped and left without my noticing - and here i thought i consider myself an observant jew (ouch ...the shavuos company has brought me to a greater appreciation for corny humor - hey if you can't beat em ...join em)

b"H its been a wonderful year but while parts of it seem so long ago - the sum total of all those parts just doesnt add up to a year.

plan-along

i'm constantly on the lookout for new and improved classroom techniques, decor, materials, etc... i have a whole stack of books with pages marked for photocopying and little notes for filing away for some future date but one of these days i am most definitely going to forget it all! i'll be sitting with my plan-book wide open, knowing that i had something super and specific (also super-specific) in mind, only having absolutely no clue what it was. so it's time i write it all down or type it all up (funny how those are opposite actions - is it cuz we download our brain to paper but have to upload it to get in on the comp? hmmmmmmm...)

so here's the to-do list that will keep on growing and changing and hopefully will also happen in real-time:

i'm a revealer!

in progress

love thyself...

its a wonder how so weak and lame
i find my love for thee
yet strong and mighty is the love
i save for loving me

and i know its not a matter
of your importance
versus mine
its just that some of us,
well,
are perfect by design

and even those, perfect as i
that err a time or two
its minor things, just here and there
not frequent like you do

i know deep down
this shouldn't be
i must love you just the same
but when i'm different- nay exceptional
am i really so to blame

yet this in mind-i'll never know
the love that you are due
until i look beyond myself
and know that you're me too

each year on shavuos we get the torah again ...just as it happened at sinai

the scene went something like this...

"hayom yom shloshim...."

"yay we're almost at shavuos"

"that's right - should we count the flowers so we know how many days closer we are"

"1, 2, 3...30"

"soon we gunna cover it up till here - the whole thing!"

"yes, each day we count we get closer and closer to the top - closer to shavuos"

" we're gunna get the torah!"

"today?"

"no, when we get to the top"

"when we get the towah can we look out the window and see?"

"but there aren't enough windows for everyone to see"

" when Hashem gives us the torah - will we go and catch it?"

if only life came with construction signs

there's much to be said for roadway construction workers. aside for their unlimited power in creating traffic jams, blocking roadways and lowering speed limits - there's lots to be learned from them.

most useful i find are their signs, well theirs and just general warning signs. i think we should all have them and routinely use them in every day life.

for example, think how useful it would be, when focusing on an upcoming deadline with weeks worth of work to be accomplished in just days, to just hang up a sign "contents under pressure"
or while in the midst of trying to refine aspects of your character when your not fully accomplished but have come so far - why can't we let everyone know with a "work in progress" sign

even more useful would be if life came with these signs, you know just as warning. So that instead of having to face an obstacle completely unprepared, we'd expect impeding situations with a "detour ahead" notice. and avenues that aren't even worth our while in our journey of self-growth would be clearly marked, "dead end."

oh it would be great to know that those seemingly endless difficult situations really weren't endless that in fact they were just "..next 500 feet."

"slippery road" for those kinda kosher areas, "u-turn" for an opportunity to fix a mess-ups- the list could go forever and yet i'm feeling as though if i translate all the messages into my own sign - it'd look something like this:

wow i've run away for so long ...been meaning to come back and spill but somethings been keeping me ...i only happened upon myself today, clicking on my own name in a comment left for a friend ...weird how that was...but maybe i'll be coming back one of these days...after all there is oh so much to share

Nshei Night

Yay! a gazillion pastries - baked, garnished, displayed, eaten & cleaned up ... the party is over! But it was oh so much fun in the making!

out of words

its a strange sensation when all words freeze and wont release leaving you stuck in plateau with no progression of thought so that events occur yet the words dont come. and this has kept so much inside shoving at the edges of my mind to be let free. and alas the advil bottle lays empty and the pressure hasnt eased so its time to let it all out...............

Refuah Sheleimah!

"i wanna start with thanking everyone again for davening. it means so much to my family you dont even know. now, for the update...my mother is unfortunatly in the hospital. the tumors in her lungs grew and she really isnt doing well...the doctors say she doesnt have much time but since Hashem runs the world it is up to Him. please lets continue to daven so zeesah miriam bas yehudis should have a full and complete refuah shilamh. AMEN ~Chaya Griego~

p.s-PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make sure to foward this!!!!! thanks you"

back in cali

DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SCREEN......you have just entered.............THE TWILIGHT ZONE!! hello this is soo freaking weard, i'm in b-more and chanie is in cali.....ahhhhhhhh (sorry) . ok so my shabbat was in owings mills, had a short farby for my b-day. turns out there's a big dif btw 20 and 21. even the not-yet-religous people were asking when i was getting married, while my cousin lee was trying to set me up w/ some dude(he means well) anyways 2 things i was told abt shidduch
1. some girls' mother-in-laws, do not have boys(they don't get married)
2. "i was going to set u up w/ _____ but since u're acting like that, i don't think so"(what is a shidduch date like going to the toy store or s/t; try telling the insurance co "i was going to pay my premium,but since ur acting like that well now i'm not")
i have a few corny jokes abt shidduch dating but nothing i found amazingly funy, unless i can find that e-mail from 10th grade.

very very funny....

a couple days ago i was on the phone with a friend - as we spoke she checked her email. one particular email caught her attention, its subject line read: very very funny...please read..
apparently however, much to my friend's dismay, the email did not contain anything even mildly amusing - it was actually a tehillim request with a creative subject line to encourage people to read it. my friend shared her disappreciation of such humor with me - i told her i thought it was clever because unfortunately many tehillim letters come each day, some repeats, some new - so why not get people's attention. we finished the conversation and i proceeded to go on with my day. later than evening i checked my own inbox and there sat that letter. i opened it and proceeded to read what was a very sad and touching request of a 16 year old girl to please recite tehillim for her mother. in such pure and simple words she explained the what her mother's illness was and what the doctors had said, that she didnt know if her mother would see her 17th birthday, how her brothers and sisters needed their mother. i scrolled down to see the name and recited kapital chof by rote. there was more writing at the bottom so i scrolled further - the letter was signed....by a girl i knew! i couldnt believe it ...the smilely, always happy, always thoughtful girl who was close with all my bnos chabad girls - was hurting every day and she hadnt told anyone. the letter took on whole meaning for me (i know all tehillim requests should really be just as painful but somehow knowing the person makes it so much more real and scary) i called my friend who had gotten the email first - i didnt even know what to tell her but i wanted to make sure she took the "funny letter" seriously. the past few days, each time i open my inbox i see i've re-received the letter - each time from someone new, from a different part of the world, from a different community and i find comfort knowing that yidden across the world really do care for eachother and that chaya's mother's name is going 'round the world through the power of the web and through the courage of a 16 year old who finally opened up.

May Zeesah Miriam bas Yehudis have a refuah shleima u'kerovah! and may her family only know brachos and simcha!

dont fall for the trap.....dogoodjustcuz

there's a well known rule in the world of positive reinforcement - never tell someone "you did such a great job- you can do it again next time!" what your teaching them is once is never good enough for you so they had better not do a good job next time. i often consider this idea and its a big joke in my house e.g. hey, you did such a great job mopping the floor you can do it every time! but does it work on G-d? see i was thinking when something happens and we react - does the reaction affect future action one way or another? its Reizi that got me thinking - Shabbos was her yartzeit and in the days just before it I was scrambling to finish up commitments made in her memory. and i was by no stretch of the imagination the only one. hundreds of people ka"H had jumped on the band wagon, eager to take on hachlatos to makeReiziproud. but how did Hashem look at this situation? I have no doubt that He too is proud of us, and appreciates every mitzva and hachlata. but have we non-verbally told Hashem - "look, You throw horrible blows our way and we do mitzvos in return-perush-if you want us to do more mitzvos throw more bad things our way!"
i think there are two possible solutions - 1. dont react well to tragedies and maybe Hashem will see there's nothing to be gained from them or 2. start doing good just because - then we'll show Hashem that we dont need pain and sad thing to encourage us to do good
i'm pretty sure the latter is the way to go - the former just takes away any possible positive that could be brought out of a seemingly negative situation

so lets make our next campaign doinggoodjustcuz - and i'm sure that too will makeReiziproud

steps in the sands of time

preface:
blogging has really paid off - i started to get myself into writing more and i've gotten so ensconced in this little writing haven that i actually relate to situations in terms of how writable they are anyway this erev shavuos marks the 2 year anniversary of a very special journey and i thought it time to put it down in words and play with the angle - to see how i could make the experience go even further ...so here goes.....

the young woman placed one last package in the cart. time was short and a long distance lay ahead. together she and two others set out on a journey. each woman led an animal laden with fruit and gifts an indication of the impending chag. hidden under perfectly folded muslin, secured tightly with knotted twine lay hours of painstaking work carefully stitched into fine seams of splendidly colored silk dresses and linen robes trimmed in gold braid

across each woman's shoulder hung a new leather pouch prepared especially for the trip. but all these were of lesser importance. it was the basket that made these women's heart skip. there atop the strongest of the animals sat an oddly shaped packaged wrapped and rewrapped to protect it from the scorching sun and the wind storms that accompanied the women on their journey. the package was a years worth of anticipation and growth. for within the careful wrappings lay a basket of bikkurim. from the very start of the year the earth had be worked to give the best fruits. seeds were planted and with watchful eyes the women waited for the first sprouts to raise their heads. gently the first fruit were labeled and how proudly they wore their red strings - a symbol of position and choice. now these new fruits had to be nurtured, insuring the most luscious of crops. when the sun was strong, the plants were shaded, when the rain fell short the produce was hand -watered.

weeks before the journey the women had gone to the water to gather reeds, carefully selecting and seperating them to be dyed. and then the weaving began - the women gathered together, each with her own pattern in mind, to share the joy and work. together they wove the patterns of each, including every braid, each intricate twist. the basket needed to be strong and large but also beautiful.

as the trip grew near other preparations began - food was cooked and stored, clothing sewn but each evening the women gathered to reinspect their basket and add another detail.
finally it was time to pick the first fruits. the family gathered together and each man, woman and child helped collect the gifts of fruit. into the basket each fruit went, baking it all the more beautiful and complete. then the basket was wrapped and mounted onto the strongest animal for transport. the children gathered flowers and colorful weeds to decorate the animal - making sure that their precious gift was carried in so befitting a manner.

alas the time had come - the men moved on ahead, taking with them the children. only the women stayed behind to check last minute arrangements and to accompany the basket.

the young woman looked proudly at the basket. This year was different. this year she was not riding along with the family. this year she was escorting her gift on foot. and she prayed that Hashem accept every step - a gift, dedicated to her Master. This year along with the bikkurim, she was presenting herself ....


....the young woman placed one more item in her bag and slung it over her shoulder. time was short and a long distance lay ahead. together she and two others set out on a journey. each woman carried a bag packed special for the trip. but these and all their feelings were .... in the light of the gift they carried with them. carefully wrapped and modestly covered the women protected a most precious gift - one that had taken the year to prepare.

the earth had been carefully prepared and from the very first moments of their arrival seeds were planted and carefully tended to. with sweat and tears the tiniest of saplings was protected and encouraged. when the hardships bore down too strong, the fruit was shaded, when strength fell short, the produce was lovingly revived.

weeks before the journey the women had refocused and scrambled to give the fruit all it could get before time ran out. gathering the choicest of words, the women began to weave - torah, mind and heart - into one beautiful basket. the women gathered together, each with her own pattern in mind, to share the joy and work. together they wove the patterns of each, including every braid, each intricate twist. the basket needed to be strong and lasting but also beautiful.

alas the time had come - the women prepared bags to be sent ahead with the rest. only three women stayed behind to check last minute arrangements and to accompany the basket

now, the young woman looked proudly inside at her basket. this year had been different. this year she was not riding along with the group. This year she was escorting her gift on foot. and she prayed that Hashem accept every step - a gift, dedicated to her Master. This year along with the bikkurim, she was presenting herself ....


two worlds - two times - one soul - one place

sorry

yes i have alot to aplogize for and no i have not fallen off the face of the earth! so chanie and i finally got to go out together last night. b4 i go on w/ my o so boring post onthe blog i would just like to say how proud i am of chanie, she works so hard and she will prob be upset w/ me for braggin but i think she's the best friend in the world and i do not deserve her. now that i 've said that i can tell you that i had 3 cups of coffee last night and was totally unable to sleep till 6(and i did e/t u know the whole sit still and not think thing) ok thats my thought for the day, do not drink coffee before bed:)

Yiddish Humor @ its Best...

I'm still laughing...

3 am and 4 coffees later....

ok not my typical piece but duty calls so i had to come up with it....

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Creepy Crawler

HOT OFF THE PRESS:

My nephew started crawling!! Ok that alone - not so thrilling...but that means that walking and talking are right around the corner and for that, I can not wait. I can see it now, walking hand in hand on a beautiful summer's day, his baby smooth fingers clutching my hand, when suddenly he looks up at me with his crystal clear blue eyes and in the sweet, soft voice of a baby says, "i'm hungry!" oh wait that was supposed to be something tender ...oh well...not all moments work out the way we dream. But he sure did ...my boo is just the way i dreamed - even better!

spread a little light

More Light

Fighting evil is a very noble activity when it must be done. But it is not our mission in life.

Our job is to bring in more light.

From the teachings of the Rebbe; rendered by Tzvi Freeman

shared prayers

two women sitting side by side
one is blessed one deprived
they both recite their prayers long
one in tears the other song
one: thank you for her souls bequeathed
one: let her care for souls, beseeched
and while their books were two akin
their thoughts diametric as within
with identic words but polar minds
each asked for gifts of different kinds
and One G-d heard the voice of both
and answered each with separate growth
one with support and direction
one with offspring and affection
and granted not was each mother
but that she prayed for the other

May it be Hashem's will that the power of Lag B'Omer and the special tefillos recited on that day break all heavenly decrees and all extenuating circumstances and let each Jewish couple know the joy of bringing children into this world.