i just read a piece, an excerpt from hayom yom it asserted that we exist by following the directives of a sage
an interesting perspective for someone who runs around (chicken minus the head style)
from program to program, peulah to peulah, trying to follow those directives
and dont get me wrong - its in no way so altruistic and l'shma
it's just, well ...
actually up until now i couldnt quite figure out why i do it,
at times i'll find myself in a moment of inspiration and yes,
its all about doing what the Rebbe wants
but the rest of the time-
am i just maintaining that which i've already started?
is it that i'm in too deep to pull out?
do i feel too guilty to say no?
do i need something to fill my time lest i waste it or worse be bored?
or is it what hayom yom says?
am i filling my moments, hours, days and weeks
desperate to prove my existance
it sounds so menial
is that all i do
not that there are no good side effects or outcomes
but is that really my subconscious drive?
i'm going to stop and consider a bit before i continue - i'm really not sure
scary thought
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3 comments:
But the hayom yom (if we're talking about the same one here) doesn't say anything about MOTIVES or THOUGHTS of FEELINGS. It talks about action. You do, you connect. Zehu.
just so you know--i keep checking/waiting for updates...
Hey, great post. I went through the exact same thing that you are describing. I think part of what was driving me was the belief that the more "good" things I did and accomplished, the better that would make me as a person. When you think about it and realize that your worth doesn't change with the more stuff you do, you feel less driven to run around doing stuff. I don't know if that makes sense, but it worked for me :)
P.S. Can you remove the post about my website from your blog? I'd rather it didn't come up when people google search for me. Thanks! Keep up the great work.
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