why do i start out hurting and end up feeling guilty. am i way off when i tell you how your words crush me? am i being selfish when i crack and cant hold my own words back? well dear though you may not understand, my heart -it works both ways
if im cold and closed - i wont hurt or at least you'll never know.
if i open up and let you in - i leave my soul exposed.
so how do i do both at once - be soft and yet stay firm? how do i leave you with a shoulder strong - to lean on when you need - when my body quivers - my chin trembles and tears threaten to betray me?
how do i tell you how much i love you - how much you hurt me back? how do i respond when you challenge my distance - when its you who pushed me far? is it worth the breath to explain myself when your memory fast grows dim? will you never get what it means to feel or how it feels to mean? can you see a frown within a laugh, hear a sigh within a song?
but alas you can't and your mind wont grasp a heart that grows complex. and so its me i make a joke as i attempt to clue you in. its me who broke and you who feels odd and as the silence thickens with remorse and the quiet leaves room to forgive - you fill it up with an empty pledge, commitment that will fade and you profess your guilt, your sorrow and your luck that i'm your friend - and you leave me feeling all the more foolish and now its me who bears the guilt. and its me who must apologize for putting you out of place - for over expressing and under correcting and well...for finally ...being me.
and so now its i who'll pledge not to weight you with my thoughts but to fill your life with ...fun...with broken smiles and empty laughs ...ooooh it'll be such fun. and so we end off as before - things all set the way you like...you'll hold on to a friend you no longer know, you'll live moments of the past and as for me, well if your happy then i'm happy, dear.
2 comments:
SO sad, but so true. I'm not sure if this is exactly what your refering to, but it is an issue that speaks strongly to me, so I'll bring it up. To feel real love and hapiness, you have got to be able to feel pain and misery. TO be able to truly laugh, you have got to be able to cry your heart out. If you are not vulnerable to feeling pain and breaking your heart, you will never experience feeling joy and falling in love.
yes the great pendulum swing of life - its got to go to both extremes
as you say, one who never feels pain or is oblivious to a hurting heart - they know not real friendship nor love nor connection - so i guess its worth the pain
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